My wife would absolutely skin me alive if I called a woman Horseface. Even in the privacy of our own home - it is juvenile, it is beneath you, and it reflects badly on me, I can hear her say. No matter what the woman had done to us, she would be appalled at my behavior, even in private.
Yet, in Florida, it’s a different matter. Here’s my take on how that conversation goes down.
She: “I want you to stop calling her Horseface.”
He: “I have no intention of stopping. She IS a Horseface. And she is trying to get me indicted. Who’s side are you on?”
“I am on your side, that’s why I do not want to see it, not even one more time for good luck. If you are indicted, it is because of what YOU have done - just plead to the misdemeanor, pay the fine, and be done.”
“Disloyal.”
“Look, it’s juvenile, it is beneath you, it is like middle school.”
“What’s wrong with middle school, as long as they don’t learn about lynching? When we get rid of the federal education department, we can really take control of what they learn.”
She (sighing): “I am not arguing this with you today. You are to stop immediately, and I am going with you to the staff meeting today to put my foot down.”
He: “Oh, no, Kellyanne won’t let that happen. Besides, Marjorie likes Horseface and I can’t go against her, Kevin’s best girl …”
“And that’s another thing, why are all these divorcing women hanging around here, and what about that one from Arizona, tell her to go home, too.”
“She needs a TV studio, for her videos. And the others, they’ve got nowhere to go - their husbands have taken the houses.”
“You’ve been divorced three times and you don’t know what marital property is? I want them out of here - I want things back the way they were when we lived in that big white house - look, honey-poo, you are entitled to retirement, build your library, have people come to you for advice, like a statesman, write a book - your own book, not a bunch of letters sent to you …”
“Isn’t that book great? There was a lot of stuff in those boxes, I told you it would pay off having the Secret Service put them in the U-haul.”
“Sweetie, now that all the boxes are gone, we finally can enjoy our 98 bedrooms AND the basement, no more clutter! I promise, I will give you a room where you can hang all your newspaper clippings on the wall …”
“And the super-life-size portrait from the Saudis?”
“Yes, as long as it’s not near my suite; but, Horseface, it has to stop.”
“But she called me Tiny. On her Twitter just the other day. TINY - you know that’s not true, right, sugar?”
“Well …,” she says with just the right voice inflection, “… anyway, she only did that because people are trolling her on her Twitter; if you stop, they will stop. Elton won’t let you put Horseface on Twitter anyway, so just stop - please, hang out here with me and Barton, help Ron Jr. manage his gold, and have Ivanalana back down here again with the kids - how about Easter? - and help Jered manage the Saudi portfolio. Be an Elder Statesman - (sweetly) I’ll travel with you again - remember Des Moines, hmmm?”
“You can come with us to Waco.”
She: “Uh … no.”
He: “And, there you go with that Elder stuff again.”
“Sorry. You’re not elder, just seasoned. Just try to behave yourself … no more Coco, do you hear me … no more Truth Essential at 3 in the morning …”
“Nope. That’s when I do my best thinking …”
Aide/Attorney: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, I don’t mean to interrupt but you said you wanted to know when the marketing team got here, plus you have a call with George Soros on line two.”
She: “Marketing?”
He: “Oh, yes, well, I have to take this meeting - tell the Globalist to hold.”
She: “Spill it.”
He, feigning shame: “Rubber Horseface masks with our name across the forehead. Oh, come on, darling, you know we missed out on the covid masks.”
She, slamming the door: “I’m going to Tallahassee to talk to Mrs. DeSanctus, if you need me, which you, obviously, don’t.”
SLAM.
“OK, good talk.” To aide: “Let’s go. Those New York, Georgia and D.C. indictments — who has a name like Jack Smith anyway? - aren’t going to defend themselves you know.”
Aide: “You are right, as usual, Mister President.”
Note: Former President Donald J. Trump was indicted March 30; he plans “substantial legal challenges,” his lawyer says. Vic MacDonald is Editor of The Clinton Chronicle. In June, 2025, Vic will observe his 50th year in community journalism. Reach him at 864-833-1900.
