I’m sorry that I didn’t notice
I’m sorry that I wasn’t there
I’m sorry that my heart and eyes didn’t see your pain
I’m sorry
I thought you were happy
I thought everything was ok
I thought your life was going well
I just thought
But now I wish I had done more than just think
I wish I had done more than just assume
I wish I had been more attentive
I just really wish
Everything seemed so perfect for you
You were always smiling
Never a sad bone in your body
You were the picture of “joy”
You worked hard
But you never complained
You didn’t let the small things get to you
You handled everything so well
You were who I wanted to be
I wanted your strength
I wanted your bravery
You were my inspiration
I called you for advice
Because you could always make me feel better
You always had the right words to say
You always showed up for me
You were the strong one
The one who always saw the cup half full
The one that never allowed me to talk negative about myself
You gave everyone your all
But now you’re gone
And I am at a loss for words
I can’t believe you’re not here
I can’t believe you choose to leave
It’s hard for me to wrap my head around you not being the strong one
It’s hard for me to understand that the world was too heavy for your shoulders
It’s hard for me because I rarely asked if you were ok
It’s hard for me to now know that you were hurting and I didn’t recognize it
If life had a rewind button
I would go back in time and ask you how you were doing
I would randomly pop up to see you and take you out to lunch
I would buy you something even though I know you didn’t need it
If times could be different
I wouldn’t put all my problems off on you every time we talked
I would let you know how much I love and appreciate you
I would smoother you in hugs even though it made you cringe
But now all I can do is say
I’m sorry
I’m sorry that I saw you as a super human who never felt pain
I’m sorry that I didn’t see beyond the image that you showed the world
I’m sorry that you felt that telling me your problems would be a burden
I’m sorry that you could never let your guard down and finally take a break from the world
I’m sorry
May is National Mental Health Awareness Month and in honor of that, check on your strong friends and family. Start taking a moment of your time to check on your happy friends because you never know what someone is really dealing with; life has its challenges for everyone, just not all are shown as boldly as others. The last thing you would want is to be remembering them in September for Suicide Awareness Month.
Lacresha Dowdy is a graduate of Clinton High School, Piedmont Technical College, and Claflin University in Orangeburg. Since December, 2009, she has been the City of Clinton Municipal Court clerk of court, and also is a Community Relations Specialist with the city.
