PUBLISHER: I resolve to gain weight, be broke

By Brian Whitmore

Now is the time for New Year’s Resolutions.

Nobody ever wants to gain weight and be broke. Now those are resolutions I can keep.

Losing weight, saving money, making new friends, finding a new job or hobby, finding love and travel are on every list, according to — they surveyed 1,000 customers via Google Surveys.

Nationwide, more exercise and losing weight polled at 38 percent, while saving money was the response of 37 percent of those surveyed.

South Carolina’s top resolution is saving money (42 percent) and exercise (40 percent).

To be honest, I’d never heard of before this survey, but I suspect they got it right.

Still, other polls show that about 80 percent of New Year’s Resolutions fail. There are even polls that explain why they fail.

I’ll save you the read. If you are going to resolve to do something this year, set the bar low. You don’t enter a marathon to start losing weight.

Of course, there are other reasons for failure ...

Losing Weight: I like to eat..

Yes, I could give up bacon cheeseburgers and eat more salad. But where is the fun in that?

If a doctor told me that I could add five years to my life by eating salad every day and eliminating meat from my diet, I’d question, “why?”

Exercise: Why did the chicken cross the road? Forget that, why would anyone cross the road, if they are sitting in a comfortable recliner?

I enjoy walking, but here is the thing, I live in South Carolina. It’s either way hot or way cold. I’m sure if the temperature stayed at 70 degrees year-round I’d get to stepping. Maybe.

Save money: I work for a newspaper, have a wife and a 6-year-old daughter. I have no money. I can resolve all day long to have more, but it’s not just going to magically appear.

Travel: Why don’t I travel more? Man, that would be fun. Oh yeah, right, see above.

New hobby: I’d love to start kayaking and archery as hobbies. Might can scrounge up enough money for that. If I could just find the time. Oh, wait, see below.

New job: Love my job. Love putting out a newspaper for the people of Clinton. Takes a lot of time though. If I could just find a way to kayak and layout at the same time.

New friends: A friend would do.

Love: Married with child. Got everything I need at home.

According to the hottest purchases for 2019 are: Fitness-trackers and smart watches, fitness apparel, travel, streaming subscriptions and cooking equipment.

So that’s why they did the survey, to find out how to sell us stuff.

The Resolution for the companies featured on is probably make more money — just a guess.

Obviously, by this tongue and cheek column, I don’t put a lot of stock in resolutions.

But in all seriousness, here is one I don’t just want to keep, but need to keep.

I need to cut down on stress. Anxiety is worse than any food I could put in my body or a lack of exercise. Stress kills.

I need to start stepping away, taking deep breaths, refocusing on what is important in life and trusting in God.

If I trust in God, the other stuff just kind of works itself out.


Brian Whitmore is the publisher of The Clinton Chronicle.

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