CORNER: Ask your congressman why?


Corner - Larry Franklin: The longer Donald J. Trump is the president, the more political My Current Wife becomes. I yearn for the days of George W. Bush (write it down, I actually wrote that) when The Little Woman never had a political thought to cross her muddled mind.

I was home from my part-time job mid-afternoon one day last week. She was home, too, being retired and all. I was sitting on the couch reading, as I am wont to do.

She was in the kitchen, cleaning up after cooking me a big meal, as the Bible instructs her to do. 

Because we have what HGTV calls “an open concept,” you can see the TV in the den (what was a great room back in the day) from the sink in the kitchen.

The TV was on a cable new channel. I wasn’t watching it. I restrict my TV watching until at least 5 p.m. except on Saturdays (football) and Sundays (racing). 

As an aside, I’m watching more NFL recently than I ever have. My own political statement. 

Anyway, the TV was on, I was reading, The Current Wife was doing wife things and the “news” person was talking about the shooting in Las Vegas.

They played a video made during the shooting. I put the book aside to watch, breaking my own rule. You couldn’t really see anything, but you could easily hear the sound of the gunfire.

A cold chill went down my left side and up my right side. Not because of the carnage, but because I knew what was coming. The way a person with arthritis can predict the rain.

I was not wrong (which is another way of saying I was right).

“Every politician should have to go on TV and say why anyone should be allowed to own a gun that can do that,” someone behind me said. I knew without looking it was The Current Wife. 

I said nothing.

“Sweety,” she said. “I asked you a question.”

“No, those pants don’t make your butt look orange,” I said. I knew I was just delaying the inevitable. In her mind, the statement was not rhetorical and she was not going to let it go.

“No, silly,” she said. “I said every politician should have to go on TV and say why anyone should be allowed to own a gun that can do that. You’re the smartest person I know and I want to know what you think about that.”

“But honey. You said you asked me a question. There was no question. You made a statement,” I said fearing the sharp right turn the conversation was about to take.

“Here’s my question, buttercup. What do you think about what I said?”

“Well,” said I. “If you really want to know, you’ll have to personally ask all 535 members of the U.S. House and the U.S. Senate. Because they’re not going to go on TV and make any kind of comment on what you said. It would make their bosses furious.”

“The American people?” she asked sweetly and naively. 

“No, mam. The NRA. But, if you do want to know why someone should be allowed to own guns that so often are used to kill people and are never, ever used for hunting, why don’t you ask them? You could start with your congressman.

“In fact, let’s make it a game,” I suggested with a shy smile. “Every time he mentions the Second Amendment or the right to bear arms (I think everyone should bare arms), you have to kiss me.”

With that suggestion, the conversation died. As did dozens of innocent people. 

Put that in your Second Amendment pipe and smoke it.


(Larry Franklin is retired publisher of The Chronicle.)


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