Are we certain that guns don't kill people?

Guns don’t kill people. Muslims do. There. Problem solved in six words. The only problem is that guns do, in fact, kill people when you have a murderous idiotic with his finger on the trigger, regardless of whether that finger is attached to a Muslim or a Baptist. The AR-15 is designed to kill humans quickly and efficiently. One of them killed 26 people in a Connecticut elementary school in less than five minutes. Another AR-15 killed 14 people in San Bernardino and 14 people in a theatre in Aurora, Colorado. Last weekend, an AR-15 was used to kill 49 people in a bar in Orlando.

To shoot the gorilla or not to shoot the gorilla

Following the brouhaha over the gorilla being shot to death in the Cincinnati Zoo, I conducted a survey that is as valid as any of the political surveys being done with results coming in from five states.
Seventy-five percent of those surveyed think the gorilla should have been shot and killed. Nineteen percent think the zoo was wrong in shooting the gorilla. Six percent think the mother of the child should have been shot.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, use The Google or move on to another column because I’m not going to explain it to you.

Who or who are Donald and Hillary going to pick for VPs?

We interrupt our regularly-schedule column rotation to bring you this special edition of Franklin’s Corner – appearing in the same location since the last century.
After reading this, you’re going to ask yourself, “What’s so special about this? He ain’t gonna win no column award with this-un.”
And you’re probably right. The only reason I’m here is because one of the columnists scheduled begged off this week and I said to myself, “You know, the faithful readers are missing me. I need to throw them a bone.”

Ted Cruz is making Donald Trump look not so horrible

The more Ted Cruz talks, the smarter Donald Trump looks.
Cruz wants the police to patrol/target “Muslim neighborhoods” in the United States. Anyone wearing an “I’m a radical Islamic” t-shirt or an “I’m with Muhammad” t-shirt would be arrested and sent straight to Gitmo, which is in Cuba, where President Obama watched a baseball game, which got all the GOP panties in a wad.

The Author Has Died

Pat Conroy has died, and I must write.

It is so totally inconvenient. It's been a long week. I'm sitting here with a mug of tea that is guaranteed to put me to sleep. I should be in the other room watching Criminal Minds. I've just come back from a dinner with interesting people, brought together by an interesting situation, a place where Pat would love to hold court. I'm body and brain tired. I just HAVE TO put these few thoughts down on what passes for paper in these digital times we live in. Pat Conroy was my college commencement speaker.

The sticky notes are piling up on my 'writing desk'

Faithful readers will remember in last week’s column I discussed my recent absence from this space. I don’t remember what lie I gave as the reason (guess I’m not a faithful reader), but, during my sabbatical the potential column topics piled up on my writing desk.
Yes, I have a writing desk. Wanna make something of it?
I’m going to try to get caught up. Unfortunately, some of my notes don’t make much sense.

The differences between Baptists and Presbyterians

Around the same time I named Vic MacDonald as the editor, there was a string of several weeks without a Franklin’s Corner for you to read and be amused by. The two actions, while not related, led to widespread speculation I had retired.
To be clear, I haven’t retired and, at this point, I don’t have any concrete plans to do so. My retirement is closer than it’s ever been, but so is yours. For the time being, you have me here to help bring you the best darn newspaper in Clinton. Sorry.
Let’s move on.


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